We love working with clients, we really do, but sometimes…

Something about the holidays brings out the best in people…except when they’re dealing with anyone in the service industry. While most clients are a joy to work with year-round, seasoned stylists are well-accustomed to being on the receiving end of holly-jolly unreasonable requests and seasonal-onset thoughtlessness.

In celebration of Festivus, the secular December 23 holiday that was popularized after it appeared in a 1997 episode of Seinfeld, and in the interest of clearing out old grumbles to get the new year started in a wholly positive state of mind, we’re about to begin the customary airing of grievances. So let’s all gather around the unadorned aluminum Festivus Pole and get to griping.

The Festivus Airing of Stylists’ Grievances

• Listen: We love working with you when you show up to your appointments on time, but we can’t leave the chair empty for half an hour as you wait for your dog to do that cute thing with its ears again so you can put it on TikTok. If you miss your appointment time, you’re just gonna have to wait up front with all the other walk-ins. At least you can show them the video?

• We’re always happy to give you some input on what we think would work well with your look, but please at least have an idea of what you’d like done when you sit down in the chair. We may not audibly scream as other appointments start backing up because of your waffling, but we will be doing so internally. The entire time.

• We can only say this so many ways: It. Is. Impossible. To go from dark or dyed hair to platinum blonde in a single appointment. Coloring hair is chemistry, and if you don’t want your locks to look like they spent a few too many hours in the autoclave, you need to trust the process.

• Speaking of the chemistry of hair coloring, that stuff coming out of your head doesn’t become an inert substance the moment it exits the salon door. If you don’t do the recommended home care, you will soon find out why it was recommended. And we’ll know what really went down when you show up complaining that it turned green all by itself, though we may not say anything about it (at least not until the next Festivus Airing of Grievances).

• On a related note, don’t lie about what you’ve done to your hair or nails or face recently. A good stylist won’t judge you for the maybe not-so-great products you’ve used in the past, but we need to know what we’re working with so we can give you the results you’re looking for and deserve.

• And please, please don’t try to argue about prices after the service is performed. It wasn’t “only a trim,” and we used exactly as many products as we needed to get you the results you wanted. Picture it: First we knock off $10 because you only want a touch-up, then you ask for a discount because you already “did most of the work” at home with a pair of scissors, and before you know it we’re back to haggling over chickens and bags of grain for services performed.

There. With the air cleared, we’re ready for another year of whatever clients can throw our way. We really do love working with them, even when things get a little weird.

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